Monday, March 27, 2006

I was looking for an entry that a friend of mine blogged a long time ago about the movie RENT. See, Luis and I have been watching it over and over again. He likes the soundtrack. There was something in my friend's entry that struck me, but I forgot what date he posted it on. Trying to go directly to his site and through Google I ended up in the year 2004. Having to press the "previous" button over and over reading snipets of his entries. I didn't find what I was looking for because the tears were trickling down my cheeks. Again, that "feeling" overwhelmed me. Knowing for a fact that, I will only get hurt more. I know, that I will never really be part of his life and even if I was, he will never give all. I was just someone he needed to prove to himself that he was ok. In the end, he was not and where did that leave me? I haven't shed a tear about that incident or about him. But now, I don't know. It's the RENT soundtrack. Hahaha. It's making me cry! He treated me really well, there is no doubt about that and I am thankful for that. I guess it was just in the end where he was an asshole. But, again, can't blame him. Because of that, how many years will it take me again to trust anyone? More of to love again? Of course LOVE is synonymous to HURT and PAIN. I knew what I was getting into. But despite how we think how strong we are, it doesn't apply when it deals with matters of the heart.

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