Monday, November 28, 2005

All of a sudden I feel this sudden pang of jealousy and yearning. I was just checking my friendster account and saw pictures of a friend traveling around with her boyfriend. From NYC, Amsterdam, London, Paris, Ibiza, and other key cities in Europe, as well as provincial travels around the Philippines. Of course she was with the mom and her siblings and if i'm not mistaken with my own mom, but still. My chest tightened. Why can't these things happen to me? Why can't I live abroad and experience life other than boring Manila? Why can't I travel abroad with that special someone? Two of my close friends either live with their boyfriend in another country or engaged to someone who she met on-line. My dear friend is getting married in a few weeks. When will my turn come up? I was contented already now this? I have this itch again to flee. Something that I have been doing since high school but it doesn't really get me anywhere. Sure a few days or weeks of sojourn escape, sometimes resolving a certain matter, sometimes not even close. I want to leave. But reality sets in and my plan shambles to pieces. The only REAL thing i have right now is my son. I know that should be enough but it is selfishly isn't. Snap out of it Bettina, snap out!

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