Friday, October 21, 2005

I'm about to turn 29 in a few hours. I look back at my life and asked myself, "Have I really learned my lesson?". I thought after what I went through I would be as hard as a rock. I thought I would be so jaded. Apparently not. After reading a friends' blog, my chest tightened and I began to cry. Because I know that no matter what, I'm not getting the real deal, ever. I ask myself, will really be able to live with that? I was contented with my life. No worries. Just living one day at a time with my son. But in a way it's too late now. I want to konk myself in the head and say "Bettina, I told you so". I know that it is beyond me. It's something I cannot control. It's something I have no say in whatsoever. Or do I? Will I just be a by stander? It hurts you know. Where do I stand in all this? There is no such thing as turning back time because once you do, everything that has happened in the recent past becomes obsolete... Be patient Bettina. Thats all he asks. Be extra understanding and patient.

1 comment:

neenuh said...

happy birthday bets!
sorry can't join you tonight. but please have a good one.

miss you so much.. soon, soon.