It's already almost the 3rd day of October. Really, time is just too fast. I didn't even realize that October 1 passed. Wait? What was I doing anyway? Oh yes, now I remember. Had dinner with the family and was suppose to go out after. But that didn't happen so I just stayed home. You know, it's funny, normally I would get pissed. I would be like "You said we were going to go out"...But this time...it was actually ok. I didn't feel bad or feel rejected as I used to feel. This time it felt light. Although I was looking forward to it but I was surprised that I actually felt ok. Next time then... something to look forward to.
I guess I have gotten so used to a certain system that when it doesn't happen I get disappointed. That's how it was then. It was more of I was promised that we would do this and that and this and that but they never materialized until it was too late. Of course that is when you expect. I was always expecting things to happen and when they didn't I would be so upset. I would be so upset that the "chain" I held on to would be tighter and tighter. Thus suffocating the other. Having realized this, I have learned not to expect. Not to expect anything from anyone because they do not owe me anything. I hate being disappointed or though others may say that I'm just being a brat, but I'd rather not EXPECT anything at all. If it come it comes, if it doesn't it doesn't. And you know what, when least expect, greater things happen.
I guess through time I have learned so much yet there is still much to learn. I have fallen hard. So hard that it was more than a brick wall i ran into. Brick walls crumble in time, I hit something harder than that, that I have built my own fortress around me to protect myself. However, no amount of protection will really protect you from the inevitable...and that is...=)
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