Then it hits me again. My clamor for finding something REAL. I think that once you have been traumatized by something, you cant help but be extra cautious about a lot of things. Am i up for another rollercoaster ride? Am I stable enough to endure one? I keep telling myself that after what i have gone through, whatever comes my way will be a breeze. Then what is this? I'm tired for settling for second best.