DO I NEED A REASON

  Today when I saw you I knew it was just like the first time When you met my eyes I came close And I felt like the first time  To hold back my fear And feel you so near I’ve never been this far before To hold back my fear And feel you so near I’m scared of falling into deep this time  Do I need a reason to tell you why I’m singing you this song Do I need a reason to show you that I know where I belong Whenever I am weary I lean on This feeling that I have I am so much stronger now Thankful, yes I am  Today I’ll renounce them, The doubts and the fears I’ve been nursing I’ll fly like a moth to the flame And I’ll feel like the first time  To hold back my fear And let you come near I’ve never been this far before To hold back my fear And let you come near I’m afraid of losing and still I go

PWD XMAS PARTY 12.16.11

It's been a while since I last attended a PWD (Persons With Disability) meeting. But since I was reinstalled as the President, I have no choice. Next year will be better.

After my life literally changed 12 years ago, I noticed that the men that I attract are those who are "lost" or searching for something that will make them feel better about themselves. Because of my experience, I feel that they find "strength" and "courage" knowing that they know someone who has gone and surpassed these trials. They say I inspire. I am honored by what they all say. I truly am. But deep down inside, I feel that I just get USED. After they have "found" themselves, "regained" their confidence, they leave me and move on to someone else or go on with their present lives. Leaving me starting from scratch again.

I'm 35 years old. Single in all aspects. Sure, there are "guys" who have shown interest, a little "fling" here and there but never a "REAL" relationship. A real relationship in "accepted" terms. I am known to be "different" in my approach to these things. It has always been the case. Maybe that's why. I want NORMALCY in my life. Is that too much to ask for?

That's Just What You Are

In our endeavor
We are never seeing eye to eye
No guts to surface
So forever may we wave goodbye
And you're always telling me
That it's my turn to move
When I wonder what could make the needle jump the groove 
  I won't fall for the oldest trick in the book
So don't sit there and think
You're off of the hook
By saying there is no use changing
Cause that's just what you are
That's just what you are
Acting steady
Always ready to defend your fears
What's the matter with the truth
Did I offend your ears
By suggesting that a change might be a thing to try
It would kill you just to try and be a nicer guy
Its not like you would lose
Some critical piece
If somehow you moved point A to point B
Maintaining there is no point changing
Cause that's just what you are
That's just what you are
Now I could talk to you till I'm blue in the face
But we'd still would arrive the very same place
With you running around
And me out of the race
So maybe you're right
Nobody can take
Something older then time
And hope you could make it better
That would be a mistake
So take it just so far
Cause that's just what you are
That's just what you are
That's just what you are
Acting steady
Always ready to defend your fears
(That's just what you are)
What's the matter with the truth
Did I offend your ears
(That's just what you are)
Sleepwalking man, it's a danger to wake you
(That's just what you are)
Even when it is apparent where your actions will take you
(That's just what you are)
And that's just what you are
And that's just what you are
That's just what you are 

- Aimee Mann